How important is it to be physically attracted to your partner?

A friend of mine is currently in a situation that I’m sure some of us can relate to and possibly after she reads this post we might be able to shed some light on it for her. She is a strong, independent, beautiful woman who knows what she wants and for the most part refuses to settle, hence the reason she is in this jam. Like all of us out there, she isn’t getting any younger. Settling down with someone she can spend the rest of her life with is up there on her to-do list. After a few years of dating, she has, I would assume figured out what it is she wants in a man. Good character, strong morals, ability to provide for her,someone loving, honest and most importantly someone who will respect her and treat her the way she deserves. Lucky for her, she has found this potential life partner; the only problem is she isn’t physically attracted to him!

Like most of us women out there, she has a mental checklist of the things she is looking for in her potential husband and this guy has met most of those requirements. He passes the test in terms of character and personality but unfortunately the poor guy is failing in the looks department. Now I’ve seen this guy and he is not bad looking at all. Not Matthew Mcconaughey but not Marilyn Manson either! But beauty is in the eye of the beholder and she is the one that has to live with him not me, so my opinion does not count.

So here is her dilemma, she has found a guy who will bring her the moon and the stars on a platinum platter if she asks. Her family loves him and she knows a future with him would be secure. They are compatible in many aspects of life including culture, upbringing and religion and they have great a friendship that has immense possibilities to grow into something deeper. Despite all this, when she looks at him, her heart doesn’t skip a beat, when he holds her hand, she doesn’t feel the tingles and when he smiles at her she doesn’t melt. What does she do in this situation? Will the attraction grow in time as long as there is chemistry? Or do you have to have attraction first in order for there to be chemistry? Does she take the risk and hope that he will grow on her or is being attracted to a person something that you just can’t fake? It’s either there or it isn’t!

What do you think? Is physical attraction that important in selecting a partner? What do you do when you have found an amazing person that will do anything to make you happy, but you’re just not attracted to him?

What does it mean to be a good wife or girlfriend today?

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Okay okay, I know most of you are probably nodding your head in complete amusement and disapproval of this article. I mean seriously what woman would willingly comply with such subservience in this day and age? A lot has changed over the past 55 years, especially the role of women in society. However, although I find these guidelines to be a little farfetched, I must admit I don't entirely disagree with some of its points.

Being humble and, well I know it may sound bit old fashioned, obedient to your husband is an idea that many women nowadays toss out as anti feminist and archaic. But if we examine the core teachings of this article it may actually make some sense. According to the National Bureau of Economic Research, in 1955 the divorce rate was approximately 20% as opposed to today's nearly 50%. Could this mean that the modernization of women contributed to the jump in numbers? Of course, I am not saying that women’s lack of subordination to their man is the cause of all divorces and that men are free of their responsibilities. Undoubtedly this is not the case. We all know that sometimes a woman may give everything to her man: time, money, body, energy, life, kids and the bastard will still go out and cheat on her or find some reason to criticize everything that she does, but we’ll save the topic of pricks like that for another post =)

The thing is most women today are driven by careers, independence and success. The value of family, homemaking and caretaking has been deemphasized by the glory of self sufficiency. The problem is though, we as women, as modernized as we are becoming daily, tend to forget that a man is a man and that my friend will never change. Sure many men in the western world do not have the same level of expectations of their women as in the 50s’ but deep down inside you know they would like a nice warm home cooked meal when they get home and would like to know that their opinions matter and that you need them. It makes them feel like a “man”. In my opinion men know that women are the stronger breed and this why they need us to make them feel in control and as though they have a purpose. But back to my point, In the 50’s according to the Good Housekeeping article, if you follow these guidelines you were considered a trophy wife. Again, I do think some of it is a bit unreasonable and definitely inapplicable to today’s standards, but what I extracted from this article was a few key points that I think is missing in the modern woman. While we are certainly not expected to “arrange his pillow or offer to take off his shoes,” we should still be considerate and respectful of his needs. Being a little domesticated by preparing a nice meal in time for when he gets home from work or making ourselves pretty for him and sincerely listening to him as opposed to blabbing on and on about your little drama about some bitch who cut you off on the highway, does go a long way. Granted I’ve only been married for three years now, but I’ve seen the difference it makes when I do put a little emphasis on these things.

My question to you all though is, what does it mean to be a good wife, girlfriend or partner today? In the 50’s things were different but today, with the need for dual incomes, many women are out making just as much if not more money than their better halves and the “wifely” responsibilities are placed on the back burner. I know when I was working I would barely get home in time to start cooking dinner yet alone cleaning up the house or making myself pretty for my hubs and the last thing I felt like doing sometimes was well you know what (I don’t think any working woman can deny feeling that way) With our job description going beyond wife and mother and our responsibilities increasing how do we balance it all? Could it be because we can’t balance it all that so many marriages lead to divorce? I know that it takes two to both make and break a marriage or relationship, but when a woman is still expected to perform certain duties because it is the role society has labeled us with and she fails at that does that mean she is any less of a wife?

What do you guys think? Do you agree or disagree with the article? What are your thoughts?

Staying Motivated in 2010

Every new years day millions of people around the world resolve to lose weight, be more fiscally responsible, learn a new trait, travel, or something or the other that will change their lives for the better. Regardless of what our resolutions are, more than likely by Valentine's day, if not before, half of us fall short of our promises to ourselves and our resolutions become nonexistent. Of course there are those dedicated individuals who stick to their goals and reap the rewards by relishing in their results throughout the year. But for the rest of us, including myself, we end up quitting up before we start. What I want to know is how do we avoid getting sidetracked? How do we stick to our guns? How do we stay motivated?

It is said that in order to make something a habit, you have to do the same thing every day for two weeks consistently. So if for instance, if you want to lose weight, you have to diet and exercise for two weeks straight in order for your mind and body to transform the action into a habit. This is of course easier said than done. Our families, jobs, responsibilities, unexpected events and LIFE in general get in the way. We all know that once you fall off the wagon it is always difficult to get back on and we make excuses disguised as “legitimate” roadblocks that prevent us from getting back on. But how do we stay on the wagon to begin with despite our setbacks in life?